


pie-rates require ransom for their captives

by tryslora



Series: 12 Days of Tropemas 2018 [6]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 12DaysOfTropemas, Coming Out, Finals Week, M/M, POV Outsider, Pirates, Puns & Word Play, ridiculous fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 06:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17197868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/pseuds/tryslora
Summary: “Ah, here be my band of pirates!” Holster calls out. “Dex the Red! Chowder the Cheerful! And Bitty the Small! Gather round, gather round, for we have captured the fairest of the fair, the Lord Ransom!”





	pie-rates require ransom for their captives

**Author's Note:**

  * For [treefrogie84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/treefrogie84/gifts).



> This was written for Day 5 of Tropemas and the prompt of pirates/tentacles. I aimed for silly and fluffy and I am pretty sure I ended up with ridiculous, but hey, puns are fun?

“Avast ye mateys!” Holster stands with one foot pressed down on an ancient green cushion, the other propped on the back of the couch. He stabs a long stick into the air.

“What on Earth,” Bitty murmurs under his breath. “Has Holster started drinking? It’s barely half past eleven. I know it’s finals week, and I’m sure he’s under a lot of stress with graduation coming up….”

“Pirates,” Chowder says cheerfully.

“What,” Dex says, and it’s not a question. His brow is furrowed and he has his arms crossed, and Bitty can’t quite tell if he’s perplexed or offended or maybe both.

“Come on.” Chowder grabs them both and tugs them into the room, barely giving Bitty time to drop his bag of books by the door. “Join in!”

“Ah, here be my band of pirates!” Holster calls out. “Dex the Red! Chowder the Cheerful! And Bitty the Small! Gather round, gather round, for we have captured the fairest of the fair, the Lord Ransom!”

Bitty gives him points for saying it all with a straight face. On the other hand, if looks could kill, Holster might be dead.

“I was studying,” Ransom says mildly.

“And you have been captured by vile pirates,” Chowder tells him. “Should we tie him up, Captain?”

Holster jumps down from the couch and leans in to where Ransom sits, his arms crossed. He winks. “Don’t know, Lord Ransom. Should I tie you up?”

“Not here,” Ransom mutters.

“A ransom!” Holster turns around, gesturing with what Bitty can now see is an extendable pointer, waving it like a sword. “We need a ransom for the Lord Ransom! If he wants to be set free.”

Bitty knows Ransom, and more importantly, he knows Ransom during finals week, and he’s just a bit worried that this isn’t going to go well. He’s seen everything from Ransom eating an entire pie while angsting over orgo, to Ransom curled under a table quivering with anxiety. “Holster,” Bitty says carefully.

“What do you think?” Holster puts the tip of the pointer at the hollow of Ransom’s throat. “What ransom do you think should be paid for your release?”

“Pie,” Chowder suggests.

“I don’t have time to play pirates,” Dex mutters as he turns to leave the room. He hesitates at the door. “But if someone’s baking pie later, call me. Rolling out dough is weirdly therapeutic.” The front door to the Haus bangs a moment later, and Ransom flinches but doesn’t move away.

“Holster, are you quite certain that—”

“A kiss,” Holster says quietly, cutting Bitty off. He bends down slightly, closer to Ransom. “A kiss in exchange for your release.”

Chowder inhales sharply.

This is getting serious, perhaps a little too serious. Bitty takes a step forward, about to intervene, but Ransom rolls his eyes.

“Fine,” he mumbles. “But only if it means you field all the questions and leave me alone to study.” Ransom gets a hand behind Holster’s neck and drags him down, kissing him thoroughly.

Chowder whoops. He has his phone in his hands, snapping a picture. “Wait’ll I tell the other frogs about this!” He starts to leave, turns back. “Oh hey, congratulations, guys, this is totally ‘swawesome and I’m really happy for you. I mean. This is an actual thing, right? This is you guys finally coming out and saying it.”

“Yes,” Holster says, diving in for another kiss when Ransom pulls back.

“If I don’t break up with him for screwing with my study time,” Ransom says, nudging Holster back. “Go on, Dread Pirate Holster. You’ve had your ransom.”

“And I’ll have my ransom again,” Holster says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Let’s just go get some celebratory pie,” Bitty says, his voice a little too loud. He grabs Holster’s arm and he’s under no delusions that he actually pulls him away. He knows Holster lets him pull—Holster’s huge, after all—but at least he manages to keep them from making out on that couch.

That couch. It couldn’t be worse than anything else that’s been done there, but lord knows, they could pick a cleaner place to make out.

Bitty manhandles Holster toward the kitchen. “Ransom, you get your studying done, y’hear? And Chowder, you get Dex back here because we’re going to make pies.”

“Because we’re pie-rates!” Holster yells.

“I’m dating that,” Ransom says mildly as he pulls a notebook onto his lap.

“You love it!”

“I do.”

And well, damn, if that isn’t the cutest thing Bitty’s ever seen.


End file.
